


Doppelganger

by NanakiBH



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Banter, Existential Angst, Grinding, Humor, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kissing, M/M, Pillow Talk, Soulmates, Speculation, Touching, Trust Issues, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-26 01:33:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19757872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: When every line of the future had been carefully and deliberately written, did coincidences exist?





	Doppelganger

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so in this one, Demyx doesn't have his memories and Xigbar doesn't know who Demyx used to be. They basically know as much as we do.
> 
> But am I still going to imply that Demyx is the Master of Masters? Yes, of course.

For someone who acted chronically lazy, Demyx sure seemed to have energy to spare in bed. As long as he was enjoying himself, he seemed to have stamina for days. While he wasn't sure what to make of him, Xigbar didn't have it in him to turn down somebody who enjoyed riding dick that much. It was just goodwill. He was giving the kid what he wanted.

That was what he told himself, anyway.

Before he knew it, he had Demyx on top of him, moaning and shouting loud enough for the whole castle to hear, and he couldn't even remember how they got there. Had he let his guard down? It was just Demyx, but it was still more than a little unsettling to admit that he'd gone along with what he wanted without a second thought. Everyone in the Organization had their own game. Even if he really was just a harmless airhead, he had to be after something...

Nonetheless, it was hard to keep his thoughts focused when he had Demyx enthusiastically bouncing in his lap. He seemed unusually experienced for somebody his age. Maybe he was just a natural. Everyone was good at something, even Demyx. He seemed to know all of his weak spots, knew just how to move to push him dangerously close to the edge.

And the way he looked at him...

When his eyes weren't closed in ecstasy, he was looking at him in a way that made Xigbar feel...

He wasn't sure.

He didn't know what it made him feel.

Unlike the others, he wasn't under the impression that he couldn't feel emotions as a Nobody. When Demyx looked at him, he definitely felt something. And Demyx... He definitely felt something, too. Someone without emotions couldn't have looked at him so adoringly. His eyes were so soft, filled with a feeling that made Xigbar's chest feel tight. He looked happy.

It had been a long time since someone looked at him that way.

It was hard not to trust him when he seemed so genuine. He had to swallow his breath and try not to moan out loud whenever he noticed Demyx looking at him, instantly feeling emotionally compromised by the kind of tenderness he forgot how to respond to. He pulled Demyx against him and buried his face against his chest, but that probably just made it more obvious that he was being affected. In that position, Demyx pet his hair and rubbed his back, and that, shamefully, was the thing that made Xigbar come.

Demyx peeled himself off of him and flopped down next to him and fell asleep almost immediately. That was a bit troublesome; Xigbar didn't know what he was supposed to do with him. Let him stay there?

He let him stay there.

He wasn't about to fall asleep with him there, though. He kept his eye on him, making certain that he was really asleep. Before long, he realized that he was still watching him because he enjoyed watching him. As it turned out, he was pretty cute when he had his mouth shut.

Actually, he wasn't nearly as bad as the others pretended. He was just easy to pick on. Xigbar had personally dealt with his share of annoyances to which Demyx didn't even compare. On his scale, he wasn't even as irritating as a fly.

Maybe the others resented him for doing less work than them. That didn't bother Xigbar, either. He had only one obligation. To him, the Organization's missions were just a distraction in the meanwhile. He didn't care about the progress of their heart collection. One way or another, he knew that things would work out in the favor of the Master's plan. All he had to do was be there.

It was almost like Demyx shared his apathy.

But why?

He had the feeling that even if he asked, Demyx wouldn't have been able to give him a satisfying answer. If he had an excuse for himself, he wouldn't have put up with being called lazy. He just didn't care – that was how it seemed. He was more interested in himself and his music.

It made Xigbar laugh.

Demyx was smarter than any of them gave him credit for. While the rest of them were marching toward failure, wasting their lives for the sake of something they didn't even believe in, Demyx was thinking only of himself. Even his lack of a heart didn't seem to concern him. He was just living, moving about in his own world.

The Master would have liked him.

Guilty.

That was how Xigbar felt.

For stopping to think of anyone as more than just a pebble along the path to the future.

Demyx wasn't that special.

The fact that he fell for someone's charade of affection was a failure. No matter how unique it felt, no matter whether it was real or not, it didn't matter. Demyx wasn't going to follow him into the Master's future. So. He couldn't let it happen again. He felt ashamed enough already.

He felt like he had to apologize to the Master. Even though he probably would have just laughed, Xigbar felt as though he'd made a huge transgression by letting someone else get that close to his heart. His heart belonged to the Master and only the Master. If Demyx had been a more observant person, he might have seen through him and noticed the way he was bluffing.

He was just tired of being Xigbar.

He wanted to go back to being the Master's Luxu. Even after a hundred faces, he was still that person. Sometimes he really wanted to escape that fact, but he couldn't. His heart wasn't as hardened as the mask he wore. A thousand years had warped him in all kinds of ways, but he still recognized the weakness in himself. He was painfully aware of it.

His head was a mess. Did Demyx have any idea what he did to him?

It looked like he was far away in a pleasant dream. He was lucky.

Xigbar wished he could've been that carefree.

If everything was leading toward the one future, then... Wasn't it destined that he and Demyx would meet there? It made him feel guilty, but the Master probably already knew about Demyx, even without his Eye there to see. Somehow, one way or another, he knew everything.

Did that mean that he was meant to feel conflicted? Was his transgression a part of the plan as well?

He'd already been bathed in darkness. He didn't want to end up giving his heart to someone else, as well. It was the only thing he had left to give the Master.

If he didn't have that, then...

What was any of it for?

It was supposed to be for him. All of it.

“Xiggy...?”

Instantly, Xigbar snapped to attention and stared at Demyx who appeared to be very awake.

“Yikes. Harsh...” Demyx winced, recoiling at his stare. “Uh. You okay? You look stressed.”

Taking a breath, trying to quickly calm himself, Xigbar shook his head. “Nothin' for you to worry about. I just... have something on my mind,” he said.

“Well, snap out of it. Come on.” He patted the pillow and lightly tugged on his arm. “Lay down and chill out. What, was this the first time you got laid in a thousand years or something?”

For a second, Xigbar's breath got caught in his throat. But he shook it off. It was just a turn of phrase. It was nothing.

“Lemme ask you something.”

Demyx rolled onto his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows and looked up at him excitedly. “Sure thing. Hit me.”

“Why are you interested in me?”

Demyx blinked, his excited smile faltering. “...Huh? Uh... I dunno. I just like you, I guess.”

“An old man like me?”

“S-Sure. Why not?”

Xigbar narrowed his eyes. “It sounds like you're the one who isn't sure.”

“I don't know what you expect me to say. I just...” He glanced away, looking somewhat troubled. “I just like you. That's all. It's not that deep.”

No. It had to be more than that. Demyx was just deflecting, trying to get him off the subject. There were other guys in the Organization who would have been easier to approach. Did he not intimidate him? Did Demyx find him attractive because he kept to himself and seemed mysterious? If that were the case, he could have just said so.

He wasn't going to let Demyx stay in his bed unless he figured out the answer.

“What do you want from me?”

Demyx went pale. “I'm not plotting something, if that's what you think! I'm an idiot, okay? I don't have the brains necessary to play the long game. I just had a feeling about you, so I tried my hand and got lucky. That's all, I swear. I'm not like the other guys around here. I'm an open book. If there's somethin' you wanna know, Xiggy, I'll give you the honest truth.”

“Wait... Back up a second... You had a feeling about me? What kind of feeling?”

“Oh... Y-Yeah...” Demyx rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I guess that's why I like you. You just felt familiar to me or something. Maybe you remind me of somebody, but... I can't remember.”

Xigbar chuckled. “I see. That makes two of us. There's somebody you remind me of, too.”

“Forreal?” he said, eyes wide, excitement rejuvenating. “Did we know each other? I dunno if I should admit this, but... I can't remember anything. If you know something, you gotta tell me!”

“I probably shouldn't admit this, either, but I remember everything. My memory's sharp – but I don't remember ever meeting you before.” He put a hand on Demyx's head and mussed his hair. “Sorry, kid. We're strangers.”

Demyx looked disappointed.

“Really? You're sure? I... thought for sure...”

Xigbar had to wonder what sort of past the kid had if he thought the two of them knew each other. He knew more about Demyx than Demyx knew about himself, but he hadn't known him personally. The details of his past were a mystery, but that didn't seem important, considering how harmless Demyx seemed on his own. No matter who he was, Xigbar found it hard to imagine that he would have been too different from who he was as a Nobody.

Carefree, easygoing, kind of quirky and absentminded...

It was no wonder he found him endearing. Demyx shared all of the qualities he found attractive in the Master.

Except for his intelligence.

Demyx was clever, but he was no mastermind.

Still, the mystery remained.

When would they have ever known each other? Had Demyx been there in his peripheral at some point, watching him from a distance? Perhaps he'd always liked him and just never found the courage to do anything about it until he didn't have a heart that could be broken by rejection.

Or maybe that feeling of his was just a feeling and nothing more. Maybe it really wasn't that deep.

“I must just be your type,” Xigbar concluded, grinning smugly.

Demyx gave him a skeptical look. “Hm. I dunno about that.”

“What? What's that supposed to mean?” Xigbar said, pinching his cheek. He was just pretending to be annoyed; he couldn't be too offended when his body was borrowed.

Demyx flailed, whining pathetically until Xigbar let go. With a small frown, he rubbed at his cheek and glanced away. “I just-- I don't know how to explain it. I just knew I liked you even though I didn't have any reason. Or... Maybe 'like' isn't even the right word. I don't even have a heart, right? But it was like, I looked at you and something in me went, 'Oh, there he is!'”

That was...

Xigbar didn't know what that was.

It gave him a feeling of his own.

“You must have gotten me confused with someone else,” he said, quickly brushing it off before he could invest in it. “I guess I'm not your type after all.”

“No way. That's not it,” Demyx insisted. He pushed himself up, sitting on his naked knees. “Just by looking at you, I knew you weren't as bad as you look. I knew you were somebody I could talk to like this. I wasn't wrong.”

People like that were rare – exceedingly.

Was Demyx really that trustworthy...?

“I don't know how you got that impression about me, but keep it to yourself, alright? I have an image to uphold.”

Seriously. He couldn't afford to let his mask slip. He had to keep the others intimidated. He had to keep them away. He couldn't risk letting anyone get close enough to figure out the truth. It was already bad enough that Demyx seemed to have wormed his way past his guard with his familiarity. Unless the Master had taken every single person into account, it was hard to say whether or not he was a liability. He didn't need _more_ risks.

After treating him with relentless suspicion, he wouldn't have been surprised if Demyx got fed up and decided to leave – especially after the kind of sex they had. It hadn't been meaningless. Even though he didn't have a heart, Demyx had poured his heart into it.

“You can trust me,” Demyx said. His eyes were intense. He wanted to be taken seriously.

He had no idea. Xigbar was taking him more seriously than anyone else ever had.

“Demyx.”

“H-hmm?”

Xigbar made himself a little more comfortable and lifted an arm, inviting Demyx to take the spot beneath it.

Without delay, Demyx tucked himself under his arm, giggling triumphantly. His arms went around Xigbar's waist and he rested his chin on his shoulder, taking the liberty to pepper his neck with kisses while he was there. Xigbar was still confused. He didn't understand what made Demyx so interested in him. It seemed like Demyx didn't know, either. And yet-- He was content.

Maybe it was easier to live without memories...

Demyx just liked him. There was nothing to get in the way, so his feelings were honest.

Would he still like him if he got his memory back? Assuming he would even make it that far, of course. The existence of a Nobody was precarious.

Demyx pulled back slightly and looked at him. Cautiously, he leaned closer, lips quivering. Xigbar met him halfway, reaching up to hold the back of his neck as their lips touched. Right away, Demyx melted into the kiss, moaning softly as their tongues slid over each other.

He couldn't remember the last time he felt that comfortable with someone...

“Mmf... Xiggy...”

He was getting hard again... But so was Demyx, so at least the feeling was mutual.

Xigbar moved his hands to Demyx's backside and moved his hips slowly, rubbing their cocks against each other. It was really arousing, hearing the sounds that continuously spilled from Demyx's parted lips as he moved against him. Touching him in just the right way seemed to evoke the cutest sounds; little needy whimpers that he tried to muffle against the side of Xigbar's neck. As Xigbar slowed his hips and massaged his thighs, he heard him sigh, heard his moans drop to an almost unrecognizable tone.

They were a good fit, Xigbar noticed absently.

Xigbar wondered how tall the Master was. When he was younger, he felt really small next to him, but it might have just been his immaturity that made him feel that way, or his memory might have made the Master seem taller than he really was.

He and Demyx were about the same height. Their builds were similar, too.

It was exciting to think that he might have become bigger than the Master. When they met again, he hoped that they fit together that nicely. He wanted to hold him that way.

As they kissed, Xigbar cracked open his eye, wanting to see how Demyx looked when he made those kinds of sounds. He ended up frozen in place by what he saw. There was a faint redness in Demyx's cheeks and his lips glistened, rosy and wet from kissing. His eyes were dazed and half-lidded, like he was lost in a fog of pleasure.

“Xiggy, please...”

He was transfixed by his eyes. Something about them seemed to draw him in.

“Mas-”

He froze.

He almost...

But thank goodness he didn't. Even if he had, it was just a title, not a name. But still... He would have died if he accidentally called Demyx “Master”.

“Shoot-- I get it now,” Demyx said, immediately reigniting Xigbar's panic. “That person you were talking about... You were freaking out because you were cheating on somebody with me, weren't you?” With a guilty look, he put a hand on Xigbar's shoulder and gently pushed him back to put some distance between them. “Ugh, I'm sorry. I messed up. I'm so stupid.”

That was cute.

“Don't worry about it,” Xigbar said. He wasn't going to slip up like that again. He put his arms back around him, hoping that he could reassure him by refusing the distance. “We're... estranged. It's been years since we've seen each other.”

That didn't seem to help. Demyx still looked like he felt awful for putting him in that position. Not like it was his fault – there was no way he could've known. As far as everybody else knew, he was a loner. The image he constructed for himself was that of someone who didn't need anyone else. In a way, it was true... He'd been alone for a long time. But there were people who were waiting for him, and he thought about them constantly.

Now, Demyx was the only one who knew as much.

“Well, sorry anyway,” Demyx mumbled. With effort, he raised his eyes to look at Xigbar's face. “Are you, like, married?” he asked. He sounded hesitant, afraid to hear the answer.

“No, but we had a special relationship. I was committed to him.” Xigbar bit his tongue and mentally backhanded himself for his choice of words. “ _Am._ I still _am_ committed to him. Once this Organization business is over and done with, I plan on seeing him again.”

“No room for me in that plan, I bet,” Demyx muttered. He sounded disappointed but also resentful, like he was jealous of his competition.

It felt disrespectful to compare... But there was no way anyone could compete with the Master. Xigbar didn't want to crush his hopes, though. Demyx interested him, so he was willing to give him a chance.

“Actually, I was just thinking that he'd like you. He's an unpredictable guy – I think he might be alright with a three-person arrangement. He does have a bit of an ego, though... So he might not wanna share.”

“I wouldn't wanna share, either,” Demyx muttered, pouting.

Xigbar just smirked and leaned in to kiss him. For some reason, he wasn't worried. He had a feeling that it would work out. He wasn't sure what gave him that feeling, though... Was it the same type of 'feeling' Demyx had?

Whatever it was, he'd never felt that way about anyone apart from the Master. It was unique...

For sure, it was foolish. He hoped he wasn't just seeing things the way he wanted.

But, more and more, he was getting the sense that he didn't need to be on his guard with him. No matter what world, no matter what year, there was no such thing as an honest person. Even the purest hearts hid dark secrets.

But, Demyx...

The only thing Xigbar could see hiding inside of him was loneliness.

As long as he kept his most sacred secrets hidden, he felt like it was safe to show him anything else.

He kissed him again, relaxing, leaning his weight against him. Demyx let out a small, surprised sound, but he reciprocated earnestly, responding to the difference in his disposition. He placed one hand reassuringly at the middle of Xigbar's back and held the back of his head with the other. With his eyes closed, Xigbar could have mistaken him for the Master... It had been so long, though. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he knew that there were things about him that he'd forgotten.

He couldn't remember his voice...

He couldn't remember his smell...

He wasn't even sure that he remembered what his face looked like anymore.

All that was left in his memory was the shape of who he thought he was. Even then... As he got older, he realized that it was impossible to truly know someone else. It didn't matter how close they were. Everyone lived in their own separate world. The Master was no exception. In his heart, he'd realized that, even back then.

That image of the Master in his memory was just his own perception of him. It wasn't necessarily the truth.

Having the knowledge that he'd only known a sliver of him was more than any of the Foretellers had known.

Demyx felt so familiar to him because he represented that sliver. If he wanted to feel at ease, Xigbar could have easily pretended that the person he held was the Master.

The longer they kissed, the more bold Demyx became, hooking a leg around Xigbar's, twining his fingers in his ponytail, nipping at his bottom lip... He was capable of being more assertive than Xigbar might've thought. It was like he was trying to prove himself, or-- No, he seemed confident. He was just showing him what he was capable of.

Demyx rolled them over, putting himself on top. His lips didn't leave Xigbar's, keeping him distracted as he moved his hands down his body. One of his legs slid between Xigbar's, putting him in a vulnerable position. Despite himself, instinctively, his legs fell open and the rest of his body became limp and submissive. At the back of his mind, a part of him remained apprehensive, but it just... It felt so good to relinquish his control for a change.

In most of his fantasies, he was the one on top, holding the Master down, listening to him sob and plead for more as he showed him everything he'd learned in his absence. When he was younger, he'd always wanted to dominate him, to show him that he was strong. At heart, however, he still wanted to be led. If the Master told him to get on his knees, he would have gotten down on the floor in a heartbeat.

Looking up at Demyx's face brought him back down to reality.

He put a hand on Demyx's chest, breaking from the kiss to take a deep, unsteady breath.

“Did I do something?” Demyx asked. “Do you, uh... Not wanna be on bottom? I get it! I totally get it. Gotta be mentally and physically prepared to take it up the ass. It takes a strong man to admit he isn't ready. No sweat.”

Xigbar stared.

“That wasn't what I was thinking, but...” He laughed. “Man, you really are a lot alike.”

“I assume that means your guy has a sense of humor. I'll take that as a compliment,” Demyx said proudly. He laid himself down on Xigbar's chest and looked up at him with a lazy smile.

Xigbar lightly scratched behind one of Demyx's ears and smiled to himself as he watched him melt. He was starting to accept that they were just going to keep teasing each other until they fell asleep. Touching felt good, but he was in no rush to get off again. Likewise, Demyx seemed content with whatever as long as he was allowed to stay, happily soaking in the attention.

An unfortunate thought entered Xigbar's mind.

“What if you have somebody waiting for you, too? Haven't thought about that yet, have you, genius?”

Demyx didn't seem concerned. He stayed as he was, eyes closed, snuggling into Xigbar's chest, making himself even more comfortable.

“Hmm, you're right... Maybe I've got a guy like you waiting for me...” He cracked open an eye and looked up at him with a mischievous smirk. “I hope it's you.”

“It's not.”

“Could be. Somehow.”

“Trust me, I'd remember you if that were the case,” Xigbar reminded him.

“Well, let's assume I do have somebody who isn't you... I'm gonna have to dump them for you.”

“You don't even know me.”

Demyx pushed himself up a bit and looked at him, becoming more serious. “No, but I feel like I do. When it comes down to it, is there really any difference? I mean, if I don't know myself, then why should I worry about how well I know someone else? I know the person in front of me, right now, as you are at this moment. If there are things about you I don't know, then that's just, like, another 'you' I haven't met yet, same as how there's another 'me' who neither of us knows.”

It was like Demyx had stolen the thoughts right out of his head, but he took them and found a way to make them sound positive.

“What if you don't like the other me...?”

“That seems unlikely,” Demyx said. “Odds are, if I like you now, I'll probably like you later. People aren't random.”

He'd been afraid that he never really knew the Master. Even if he hadn't known him as well as he'd thought, it was true that he had known a part of him – and that might have counted for more than he'd realized.

That little sliver of him... His memories...

None of it was random. It all came from somewhere. Every piece was part of a larger, coherent whole – a whole that was constantly being added to. If it was impossible to know the whole person, then knowing the blocks that built them was the next best thing. Even his unreliable memories had value because they also came from somewhere. There was a layer of truth in every memory.

The next time he saw the Master, Xigbar was sure he'd feel familiar.

“You know what? You're right. I can tell you're right because my first impression of you was wrong... But there's no mistaking that you're still the same idiot,” Xigbar said.

And, as if to prove his point, Demyx pouted like a child and pounded on his chest, demanding that he take it back.

“It's nice to meet you, Demyx,” he said, lifting his hands to hold his face.

Demyx playfully gave one more indignant huff for good measure, then relaxed into his hands with a smile, shadows of light shimmering in his eyes.

“It's nice to meet you, too, Xiggy. I look forward to meeting you again tomorrow.”


End file.
